I'm gonna have a badass scar
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
