I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
