why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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