if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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