On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
