Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
