I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
