I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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