Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
