I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
