Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
