I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
