I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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