Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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