somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
