Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The beers last night were like the tears from god
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
