nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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