he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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