Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
