next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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