i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Sorry about my life...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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