I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
