I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
