Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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