i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
