i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
