She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
