Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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