I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
