I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
