OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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