The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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