is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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