dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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