I'm going to jail i love you
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Hippo gnu deer
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
