I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Barsexuality is the new black.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
