So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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