Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
