also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
