Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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