Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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