Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
