The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
