he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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