Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
