it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i think i just lost a toe
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
