I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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