making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
