now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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