Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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