NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
