On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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