I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
