We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
