Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
